How to let go of the past
We never really let go of the past because it’s always going to be there right?
There are three stages to healing which are
We have to first learn to forgive before we can heal, and this is why people don’t heal.
The forgiveness isn’t installed into us or our memory. So we have to learn how to forgive first, but let’s talk about grief which is a strange thing, we grieve our loved ones when they transition over to the other side, that grieving process can take 1 – 5 years if not longer, just like the healing process can also take years too which it can also take up to a lifetime, but with this 4 step process that I’m going to tell you can help speed up the healing process, the more we do this the quicker we can heal.
The letting go process can be of childhood trauma, abandonment, relationship problems, now here is what people do, they think they’ve dealt with their trauma or grief, but however all they’ve done is bypass the healing process by convincing themselves that they have healed themselves, and they do this because they have forgiven either themselves or the person that hurt them and that is why they bypass the healing, they think that the healing is forgiving and it isn’t, I would probably say that is there ego talking to them and telling them that they’re now all ok, just because we’re not crying or feeling hurt doesn’t mean that you have healed that issue because the issue will arise again because it hasn’t been healed, when we have healed ourselves then that trauma or emotional pain doesn’t trigger us anymore and we can then smile feel, lighter and don’t even have to think about that issue anymore and that’s when we know we have healed ourselves.
Letting go has been ingrained into our culture, carrying the weight around with us, people are always saying “you have to let that go” well it’s not as easy as just letting it go, wouldn’t it be great if we could just drop all that dead weight and not have it come up ever again ? And this is what I mean by it’s been ingrained into us by our parents or friends or whoever else has had an influence on us.
Letting go is not as simple as it looks, why? Because people in society seem to think that whatever we carry around with us is all negative and dead weight and that is has no value to us at all. Here is an example
You see a child who is walking to school with their backpack on and it’s loaded with books and they’re struggling to walk because it’s so heavy, so therefore you wouldn’t go up to that child and tell them to take that backpack off and to walk to school without it, would you? No because in that backpack is all their knowledge that they need for school. Now if this kid had a photographic memory he could read all those books and memorise them, then he wouldn’t need to carry all of that weight around with him, he could then just throw them away and wouldn’t have to carry it all around with him.
We have to heal the past there is no way out of it if you want to move on.
Now that’s how we feel when we are feeling heavy and can’t get going on a daily basis, so what I’m saying is that our past isn’t dead weight and it’s not all negative it has a lot of value to us, just like the child’s books do, and that is why it’s so hard to let go of the past. People work very hard to let go but however like I said they have bypassed the healing part, they haven’t learnt those lessons and have not understood the experiences caused within them, sometimes we need to know how important the information is that we have within us. Just like the schoolbag on that child.
Letting go is a natural product of natural healing, we simply can’t let go of something that we haven’t healed, we have to go through the healing process and people don’t want to go through the healing because it’s too painful and they don’t want to do the work on themselves.
Why do we bypass the healing?
Our egos is protecting us, think of the ego as a self-protection mechanism, the ego sees emotional pain and trauma the same way your body sees a flame, think about this image, if walk up to a burning flame you put your hand in that flame it’s going to really hurt you, so it’s going to force your body to recoil your hand away from that flame. It’s the same thing with your ego, your ego sees the emotional pain and trauma the same way as your body recoils from the flame. The ego is simply protecting us from our pain and hurt, and our ego is saying to you stay away from this pain as it will hurt you if you try to deal with it, red flag, stay away from this. Hence why we jump over the healing stage of life, because it’s uncomfortable, and it’s much easier to just drop the weight and move on and not actually heal ourselves, hence why so many people have issues and then bring those issues into relationships and then they wonder why that relationship has failed because they haven’t done the healing work on themselves and this is why so many people are still struggling.
So that brings us being comfortable with death.
We need to be comfortable with death, not just the physical death, but also the death of cycles and repeating patterns in life. The death of relationships, the death of endings, the death of loss, all of these are associated with death, so until you become comfortable with death and whatever form that takes you, you will never be comfortable with life, life and death go hand in hand. We need to be comfortable with loss, endings and death then we will never be able to heal ourselves because you have to be able to lose, to be able to die and allow ending to come and complete themselves, so you can’t have births, you can’t have gains, and you can’t have beginnings without having endings, loss and deaths. They are always dancing hand in hand, if you spend a day in nature you will realise what it means to be comfortable with the cycles of life, with a tree you don’t see a tree becoming depressed when she loses her leaves in autumn, the tree doesn’t feel sad because the tree understands the cycles of life and that is the births and death. You also don’t see a snake freak out when she sheds her skin, she has to lose her skin in order for another one to grow, so what I’m saying is that we have to evolve and heal ourselves to be able to move on and become a better or a happier version of ourselves, hence why we have to be able to be comfortable with healing so we can shed our skin and become a new person. That is why so many people bypass the healing stage. So now knowing why we bypass the healing hopefully the resistance to heal will stop.
HOW DO WE HEAL THE PAST
1/ By committing to healing, you can’t run away from healing or sweep it under the carpet so to speak, so make that commitment and then you’re already half way there, you have to say to yourself and admit to yourself that you need to heal, then you are 80 – 90% there. This is why so many people can’t heal because they do not make that commitment to themselves.
2/ Prime the ego, because half the time it’s your ego telling you to move on and that you’re ok, so you will get to a point in life that you will end up on the floor in a heap crying and sobbing uncontrollably, you have to reassure the ego that it’s safe and it's ok to do this, bring in love to the ego, and say that it’s ok bring compassion to yourself, embrace those feelings and reassure yourself that it’s all ok and that you can let go of this trauma. Self - talk to yourself which is your sense of awareness consciousness, your soul and self of security, smooth talking is great for reassuring. When we do this process of priming the ego, it becomes a lot easier because the ego drops its walls down for you to be able to do the inner work and then you feel safe. You talk to our ego like you would a wounded child, the more we do this the more you calm down, we have to give ourselves self-love and this is all part of the healing stage so the more we can go into the healing stage.
3/ Inner Turmoil isn’t easy and is extremely painful for sensitive people. sitting with the past, it’s like a scab that hasn’t healed properly, when you tear off the scab it’s painful, it hurts and this is what we have to learn, is to sit with the past and feel it and to go with it and not run away or make yourself busy for a distraction, because as soon as we go into that emotional place where it hurts it’s extremely painful, we will have so many emotions that will come up it could be anger, rage, something that someone has done to you, it could be sadness. I attend to journal these emotions at this stage of healing, it helps me to learn to sit with that pain and loss, engage with the grief and allow yourself to connect with the pain, don’t allow yourself to pull away or recoil, personalise your pain by talking to it, if it’s rage or anger talk to it give it love and embrace it, don’t resist it, this helps with the healing process.
4/ Use Tonglen, recognise your pain breathe in the pain and breathe out love and kindness, compassion and have that empathy within yourself.
This technique is the opposite to meditation where we breathe in the love and kindness and breathe out the pain, but when we do this we just breathe out our pain onto others which is not what you want to do, so if we do the opposite we actually breathe out love n kindness to others whilst dealing with our own pain.